Yeon-ah Nim Shares Her Memories

Yeon Ah (Choi) Moon
March 21, 2008

Good morning. The weather is so nice today. Since it is so bright, I can feel that Hyo-jin nim ascended on a good path. Standing here up front, I feel how meaningful this occasion is. I sincerely thank True Parents and all our church family members for your concern.

I believe this is my tenth year of being blessed to Hyo-jin nim. For the past ten years, he has educated and raised me in so many ways. Reflecting back over several days with him, even though we were frequently together, his last day on earth is most strongly in my mind. On the other hand, I am afraid of continually recalling only that last day and living the rest of my life stuck in it. Frankly, as his passing was not an easy one, the last day simply cannot be a good memory for me, because I was right beside him, caring for him.

I believe that many of you never expected Hyo-jin nim's sudden passing and wonder why it happened. However, I do not wish to explain the entire process in detail. He is gone, and now it is already a day that has passed. Honestly speaking, what is important to us will be the collective moments of today and of the days to come. I understand that all of you would want to know more because of your love for Hyo-jin nim, but I would rather not speak so much about that on this occasion.

Perhaps Kook-jin nim mentioned briefly that Hyo-jin nim was experiencing some physical discomfort, as many people sensed. Being right beside him, I also worried about whether he was okay, but Hyo-jin nim always said to me, "It's okay. I'll be okay. I will get better." So I never even imagined, even until the last minute, that he would go to the spirit world. From my point of view I was not a capable wife; but I truly believed that he would get better.

Hyo-jin nim never made any sound that indicated he was in pain but just walked back and forth. He seemed a little weak but continuously moved about, so I never thought something like this would happen. It was in the early hours of the morning... For some months, Hyo-jin nim had not been able to sleep well. Of course all his life he never rested as most people do.

He maintained such a pattern of not resting to the point that I was concerned. He never slept for more than an hour. Deep sleep... one hour, thirty minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes... He was continuously coming and going -- sleeping for two hours at most, and then he would wake up and be coming and going again. He lived his life with no concept of day and night. Frankly, this way of living itself is unbearable for a human being in a physical body. He had passion and conviction for his work within the will, and he himself admitted that he was a workaholic. He worked with that intensity.

Looking at how Hyo-jin nim worked, I felt him to be more than human, rather than just an ordinary man. I frequently thought this about him. If one could view Hyo-jin nim, Father's son, in this way, True Father would naturally be something even more. That is what I thought. I was also able to understand more about Father through Hyo-jin nim's life. This is how he lived. This is how he continued to live.

No matter how much we tell Father to rest or take it easy, telling him we will do his work, he would continue in his usual way until the world is completely restored and becomes the world God desires to see. I firmly believe this. Honestly, please think how worried True Mother must be as she stands by his side and assists him. Father is advanced in age, and he has undergone many hardships and twists in life since his youth. Although he is more than eighty years old, he is deeply anxious about the providence. Therefore, whenever I see Father I feel how great he is. Yet he does not think about his age, and continues on. I often think, "Father is treading the path he must go."

He would carry on even if Mother tried to stop him. He would. Because God exists, because the will remains, I feel Father will go his way until the last cell in his body is burnt into ashes for the sake of the will that he promised God he would fulfill for the whole world's sake. Even though it was to a smaller degree, Hyo-jin nim showed us this mindset. Right to the end, he never let me feel any unease. He always had confidence in his children. Yet suddenly he passed to the spirit world without leaving any final words. To be honest, from that viewpoint, I felt I missed out on something. Reflecting back, though, I remember that Hyo-jin nim had told me a lot about his thoughts and vision...

Assuming life on earth to last about a hundred years, and considering that Hyo-jin nim lived just half that time, his life coming to its end at an age when people can still do a lot is indeed a loss. If he had lived ten years more, twenty years more or even just a year more, he probably would have done more, left behind more, showed and shared more with us in those extra moments. Although Hyo-jin nim's earthly life lasted less than fifty years, when we reflect, still the message he tried to convey and the vision he tried to realize and accomplish, are manifesting in different areas. They are there. It is just that I did not see them. Therefore, if somebody is to believe and feel that this path is right, and go that way, not only people who know True Parents but people of the world will also feel it is right and follow it. This I am sure of.

Think how much second-generation children have suffered. Not to speak of how our church members pioneered and how they tried to protect their children. Living in a painful and difficult age, facing opposition, you put everything into it and sacrificed your family and your children to become a protective barrier. Even so, True Children suffered so much. In reality, as the first daughter Ye-jin nim, Hee-jin nim before her, Sung-jin nim and also Hyo-jin nim-they lived at the time when you were suffering; they suffered with you.

Our church members may feel much regret and sorrow, but Hyo-jin nim once said, "Even if you have met with difficulties in your life, you should say, 'I am grateful to God that I could take this path.' Because you have gone that way you were able to learn and feel that much. You were able to gain what could not have been obtained without that pain." Hyo-jin nim had overcome much through pain, and through his difficult course; and today, at this moment, you remember and sense him.

All his suffering ultimately benefited him. Therefore, I don't think he lost anything. Of course from a personal and family perspective, because I have young children and do not know the future, frankly speaking, things are uncertain. However, as I said during the Seunghwa Ceremony, I will not think in terms of having lost Hyo-jin nim. Through Hyo-jin nim's ascension, I was able see how True Parents and True Children will be with Hyo-jin nim and how much they love and value him. I was also able to clearly feel how that love will continuously pass down to my children. Therefore, I neither worry nor feel anxious. I am determined to do my utmost and offer my best effort.

Hyo-jin nim once said, "I do not have any regret in my physical life, even if by some chance I go early. If I go to the spirit world, I will be very free from limitations and will be able to work as much as I want. There I can expand my work to the fullest extent. Conversely, a physical body is something of a constraint. So what should I feel I am losing by leaving the earth?" Of course, had he been able to live longer with his children and directly educate them -- that is something that will be missed. Yet, looking at the way he intended to go, Hyo-jin nim did not keep these things first in mind.

Of course, he was slightly anxious because of my shortcomings, but he said, "I don't worry because those who worked with me and those who walked the same path with me will take care of you and our children on my behalf if I am not here." He is right. True Parents and True Children are already here today caring for us and guiding us. And today, members have gathered here like this. Despite your busy schedules, your coming from a far distance here to Paju shows that you have come here based on your love for True Parents, True Children and the True Family. I truly thank you so much for this.

If we look honestly at individuals, will we find anyone who doesn't have personal limitations? Everyone does. That's why Hyo-jin nim always told me, "Think about our church family members and always be grateful; you must learn to be grateful." Back then, I was lacking; I really did not know how to feel gratitude. I also knew the church members suffered, so I did not think my situation was difficult, nor did I complain. This is how I thought. Yet what Hyo-jin nim referred to as gratitude was much deeper than what I understood. I have not yet attained this but do believe I will one day be able to feel it if I make effort as I live my life.

Thank you. With gratitude, Hyo-jin nim always looked from both a historical perspective and a future-oriented perspective and never from the perspective of mere moments in the past or present. For instance, one of his songs says, "Be successful!" in terms that show he meant successful from a historical perspective or from God and True Parents' perspective rather than from an individual perspective.

We are now very busy, aren't we? With our established goal of restoring Father's homeland, we are in the process of substantially building God's longed-for nation on the earth. Ready or not, with True Father in command, we need to put our utmost effort into bringing maximum results within a short time. We understand that every hour in our reality is a busy one.

I believe you are actually busy today with work you've been asked to accomplish, so thank you for coming here, putting all your plans and programs aside. But please do not forget. There were times when Hyo-jin nim was misunderstood. There were times in his life when he made mistakes; but the truth always prevails. We may not know now, but because there is a future that knows that truth, because there is history, Hyo-jin nim never expressed nor excused himself and silently continued on his path.

So brothers and sisters, please have courage and strength. Do not think vaguely or negatively about the coming events, or worry that we cannot perform to the standard Father desires. Just do it and we will see. Please try. We are still living on earth and God must save the world through us, through our own hands. So please invest yourselves. The moment of restoring the homeland, which God and Father long for, is actually right in front of us. So please have great strength! Gather your strength.

I deeply and sincerely hope that Hyo-jin nim's ascension will bring power to all of you who are making so much effort. Thank you.