Obelisk Oblique

1976.9.17

We have been in Washington, DC, for one day. Now everything is totally focused on tomorrow's rally at the monument. But I have not come with the victory I had anticipated. The final day of the third week, I didn't fulfill. It was a Sunday and Captain Turegano took me to Harrison, Arkansas. But I only made $66. Satan invaded my offering to God.

Now I feel I have nothing to offer except my repentance. At first I felt so bad from my own level for not having gained the victory on the individual level. Later I realized I had let down my captain and brothers and sisters. Victory is stimulating to all. Our team did do well the week I made $200 average, but now I feel like Abraham, who successfully sacrificed the heifer and the ram but at the final moment was invaded by Satan when he failed to sacrifice the dove. I feel God could almost forgive Abraham because he did not realize what he was doing for God's providence.

But I know the Divine Principle, so I don't feel that my betrayal of God's trust will be easily forgiven or restored, though I am determined that it must. I tried to indemnify my failure on the last three days of fundraising before we left Arkansas to come to Washington. But I made less than $100 each day. Team results dropped again. The whole team has struggled. I feel directly responsible.

The reason Satan was able to invade was because I openly complained to God about my brothers and sisters not fulfilling their goals and so the result had to be made by me. I completely betrayed God's trust by such a display of faithlessness and ingratitude.

Tomorrow Father will speak for the last time before the entire world. We have been told that all of our failures will be wiped away with this victory. Still, I feel a loss at not being able to make a pure offering to True Parents. Perhaps through prayer I can indemnify this failure, but there is no time.